Born on Friday 13th, five minutes past midnight. Yes, I’m serious! Not that I think it’s got anything to do with anything, but it’s still an amusing fact if you consider that I grew up to be, well, a witch. Or rather, a hag.
A hag (or crone) is a kind of malevolent, wisened old woman, or a kind of fairy having the appearance of such a woman, often found in folklore and children's tales such as Hansel and Gretel. The term appears in Middle English, and might be short for hægtesse, an Old English term for witch. (Wikipedia)
The old high German root of the word is “hagazussa”, most likely meaning hedge rider - someone who has access to both this world and the beyond, the shadow realm, the realm of dreams and as some believe, death. Since I was born and raised in Germany and spent a lot of my adult life in Austria, I think the language is appropriate, and so is the term. It comes very close to how I view my role, and I’m aware that this definition takes me close to modern hedgewitches. Still, I like to keep my own trademark, and hag is a wonderfully un-used word. It isn’t laden with connotations like so many other terms in modern paganism.
I’m not an old hag, but I’m not young either; I’m a grown-up and joyful, very much alive hag (born in 1970) who is just beginning to come into her full powers. My definition of the meaning of life is simple: it is to grow. How do I know? Simple, I watch living things. All that lives, grows. A tree that doesn’t grow, dies. So growth in all areas of my life is what I aspire to. I’m passionately in love with life, and my two favourite representatives of life are music and people. I’m fortunate to have plenty of both in my life, and love in abundance.
Life is meant to be abundant, in every way. The pursuit of abundance is an extension of growth, or its goal, as I believe. It’s what I’m striving for in all areas of my life:
- the emotional
- the physical (ever felt an abundance of health? You should!)
- the financial
- the professional
- the spiritual
My Pagan CV
I was raised catholic, and I will be forever grateful for the religious teachers of my youth. I was lucky to grow up in 70es Germany and its reformed left-wing catholicism of the time. Catholic youth camps with outdoor mass in the grass under trees are what gave me my first taste of worship in nature. Then, at 17, I began to feel the urge to wander the bits of forest around my hometown. I had no idea what I was doing, but I discovered I had skills nobody had ever told me about: I could sense people approaching long before I could hear or see them, and I could turn myself into a tree (by taking on tree energy) so they wouldn’t look around and spot me where I stood between the trees, only a few steps from when they passed me by.
At 19, a colleague from university lent me Starhawk’s “The Spiral Dance”. That’s when I first learned about modern paganism and witchcraft. For years, I had no other guidance, except three other books, by a couple of amazing and powerful feminist witches from the German-speaking countries, Judith Jannberg and Luisa Francia. They taught me to first and foremost trust my own instincts and rely on my senses. For years, my practice mostly consisted of extended nightly walks through nature, experiencing energy, and ‘learning myself’. At 26, I started doing my own solitary rituals, free-style but with some Wiccan influences. My path is nothing if not a work in progress, but some of my general views and approach are unlikely to change much in this lifetime.
At 33, I discovered The Village, and realised that there really were others like me, and all around the world! The Village has become my home and family in many ways, and I’ve been involved in its administration for some time. I learned and keep learning loads, and I’ve been inspired to more serious and regular practice. On Beltane 2005, after roughly 15 years as a pagan, I dedicated myself - you can read about my dedication ritual here.
I teach Witchcraft classes with a very practical approach through my site Witchcraft Lessons. I know several Villagers in real life, as well as a group of wonderful pagans here in Ireland, where I live. As often as I can manage, I join their pub moot, and participate in open rituals we organise together. Apart from that, my practice remains that of a solitary though, something I have in common with most of the others who participate in these meetings and rituals.