After A Long Pause For Breath

This is a picture of a rowan tree growing in the grounds around the company I worked for recently. Isn't it gorgeous? I'm glad I remembered to bring the camera as long as the leaves were still mostly green.

Apologies one more time, for the delay in updating. Things had been so intense for so long, I needed to withdraw for a bit, and that's what I did. After returning from Germany, I spent time on my own, took walks, or simply spent entire weekend days gaming online.

The break has done me a world of good! And now I'm beginning to get a little restless, which is a good sign. It means I'm ready for whatever comes next. I'm "between projects" now, meaning that I'm trying to allow things and trust life to bring along my next opportunity, and to not let me be without work for too long. There's a project coming up in the company I worked with on the last project, and they said they'll call me when it comes through. I've also applied and interviewed for a completely different project with a major company, a three-month contract in customer service which sounds very interesting. We will see.

As for my family, I don't know who benefited more from me being in Germany for four days, my parents or me! It felt wonderful to finally be there physically and able to help. I was on my feet all day, and far from being exhausting, it was a tonic. My dad has been holding up great, but he is a "classic" husband and my mum never allowed him near things like the washing and ironing, and so I "ordered" him to give me every piece of clothing he'd worn and proceeded to wash, dry, and iron it all. Then I cleaned the house from top to bottom and had a look at my parents' finances - another domain of my mum's. I explained to dad what has to be taken care of, and he is actually doing that now.

My mum was very weak and slept almost the entire time. When she was awake, she seemed to be clear - she recognised everyone who visited her and answered questions, also remembered my parents' wedding anniversary correctly. I spent hours every day sitting on the side of her bed and holding her hand, getting that physical contact I've been craving. It seemed to be doing her good too; she often squeezed my hand even in her sleep, and when I had to get up for some reason, I saw her grabbing a bit of the covers to "hold on to" until I came back to take her hand again.

In other things she was confused, for example she insisted she could get up when the physiotherapist had tried and failed to even have her sit on the bedside. I actually think that's a rather clever move of life, giving her the impression that she can stand and walk. If she sees in in her head, she has a much higher chance of recovering some movement than otherwise. While I was there, she even moved her left arm a bit; something she doesn't seem to have done again, but it was an encouraging sign.

It wasn't exactly a shock to see her like that at first, I know enough about strokes so I was prepared. But it was still terrible to see my active, capable mum so helpless. She couldn't even swallow at the time, and had to be fed through a tube down her nose into the stomach. In her sleep, she kept tugging out that tube, causing extra work for the nurses who ended up tying her right hand to the bed. I understood completely but still found it horrifying - not to be able to even scratch oneself or do ANYTHING! My greatest relief was when my brother e-mailed last week that mum could now swallow again and got rid of that tube. She's now in rehabilitation and making very very slow progress; there's not much hope that she'll regain much of her mobility but we will have to wait and see. In any case, I feel so much calmer for having seen her!

There's not much else to report, really, other than that my new flat is wonderful and I love it to bits! I never thought I'd be so happy here, I thought of it as a rational solution to save money. Objectively speaking it's nowhere near as beautiful as my old place, but it FEELS right. Tia and Mirias love it too, they fly around the room all the time, chasing each other, and otherwise sit on top of the cage for most of the day. I'd almost forgotten how much they used to be outside when we were in Tipperary, and I'm very glad they are once more. The exercise is doing them very good.

Enjoy autumn, everyone, as we are moving towards the dark time of the year. I'll write again a lot sooner than last time, promise!

Comments

[Shane]

Hi Sibylle,
Glad you are starting to pick up again. Things are nice and peaceful at present and life is good here in Tipp, but I hope it helps you to know we are taking an interest in matters Sibylle? Hugs to you. S

[Sibylle]

Hi Shane, yes, I do know that, and it's a great support to know that you guys are there :-) Even if we don't get much chance to talk at the moment, you're still *there* and that's what matters!

Hugs!!

[Julia Rogers Hamrick]

Happy to see you back here!!! And it's lovely to know how at home you're feeling in your new place. Seeing your precious babies flying around and happy there must give you an extra measure of comfort and sense of belonging.

((((((((((Love))))))))),

Julia

[Sibylle]

Julia: Yes, it does! After four years of moving around, I finally feel like I've found a place I can live in for a longer time, and that's a wonderful feeling :-)

Big hugs!!