Almost Samhain
Friday, October 30, 2009 
And another long pause... I'm running out of excuses! I guess I'll just have to find my previous blogging rhythm again, that's all. The truth is that I haven't had a lot to do, or any stress - it's just that part of my life seems to have been suspended by my mum's illness. There's no news really, and that's just the thing. It's becoming more and more obvious that she won't recover much at all. My mother is going to require constant care for the rest of her life, and it seems that her mind is affected as well; she's often clear and remembers things very well, but at other times, she seems confused or tells stories of events that never happened.
It's not something I can do much about. My siblings and myself are e-mailing regularly, trying to figure out what is going to happen, but the actual organisation of things falls to those in Germany. What I am left with is a life resembling normality, even happiness, and I feel content and grateful about a lot of things. However, at the same time there is the constant awareness in the back of my mind, like a slight headache that's always present, that someone close to me whom I love very much is sick, and suffering. I don't expect it's going to go away any time soon, and I must learn to go on, keep on living, participating in life - blogging too! - because being in limbo doesn't help mum one bit.
I'm back in work again too, which definitely helps. My company is just wonderful, I love them to bits and I'd give a lot to be able to stay here. Unfortunately, for the foreseeable future there'll only be contract work and pauses in between, and so I'm still looking around for something else as well. It'll all work out for the best, I'm convinced of that, and I have learned to wait if it's necessary. That's quite a biggie for me, seeing as Impatience is something like my middle name!
In the meantime, there's a lot to look forward to. For one thing, it's Samhain tomorrow! It's not one of my favourite sabbats, as it is for many pagans, but I do like the communication with my ancestors - which this year is going to include asking them to watch over my mum and, when her time comes, help lead her onwards into the next world - and the feeling of "Summer's End" (Samhain) and being on the threshold of the dark time of the year. It's the time when the whole autumn/winter thing still has a certain appeal to me, with candlelight and incense. By the new year (I don't see Samhain as the new year but celebrate at the common calendar's new year), I'm usually sick of winter and long for spring so this is the time to enjoy the cosiness of sitting inside with a mug of steaming tea, looking at the grey clouds and the rain through the window and hearing the wind howling around the house.
This year, I'm doing something special too on Samhain: I'm volunteering at the Féile Draíochta tomorrow! Nearly every pagan I know in Ireland is going to be there, and I'm looking forward to hugging them all. It'll be great, talks and workshops and wonderful people, and the best thing is, it happens during the day so in the evening I'll be back home to do my ritual. It's a very important ritual for me this year, for the above mentioned reason, and I will start with my usual walk when I get back on the train. Luckily, the train station is right next to the beach so I won't have to go far!
If I find the time and the energy, I will once again share my ritual here in my blog. I did this when I first started blogging, on Samhain three years ago, but since moving the site those old entries have been lost. Maybe that's a good opportunity to start blogging rituals again, for those who are interested. It's doing me good too, provides a kind of outside perspective on my ritual if I'm expressing it in words to share with the general public. There's a lot of clarity in writing things down.
I'll leave it at that for today! Tia and Mirias say hello. The above picture was taken before they started to moult last week. We're over the millions-of-feathers-everywhere phase by now (I've considered stuffing a pillow with the feathers. Would probably get together an entire bedset with what those two drop during one moult. And that's only slightly exaggerated!) and into the endearing cactus look, with new feathers sprouting and showing their black heads through their white and yellow faces.
Have a magical Samhain!
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Reader Comments (4)
have a great sabbat. I will be working a double shift as I seem to do often these days. Thinking of you and would love a pic of cactus molting budgies to amuse me.
hugs!
Lisa: Not sure I'll manage to snap a picture of them close enough to show the "spikes" but I'll do my best ;-)
I hope all your hard work means lots of business coming in, and that you'll still find time for the odd pumpkin martini (pun intended)!
Hugs!!
I am so sorry to hear about your mum... Inga might have mentioned it, but I don't hink I could have grasped just how serious it is. Best wishes to you all.
Love, light and hugs.
Pixie, hi, good to read from you here and thank you very much for your thoughts and support. They're truly appreciated!
Hugs!!