The Wind Of My Soul
Sunday, September 13, 2009 
That's how the song "The Wind" by Cat Stevens starts, and I find myself humming it under my breath quite a lot these days: "I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul. I let my music take me where my heart wants to go...". I am in such a state of bliss right now, it can only come from the knowledge that I have found myself again, found parts of me that I had almost forgotten, and I'm so very happy and grateful!
I guess it's time I let the cat out of the bag and told you all what's been happening. In a nutshell, I have stopped putting up with the state my life was in, the constant financial pressure because of my debts and consequently the push towards jobs I didn't enjoy, mostly in Sales. And I've embraced what I realised a while ago - those who read here regularly might recall my attempts to go back to teaching German as a foreign language (nothing has come of that yet, but they are keeping me in mind) - that I don't want to be in Sales, that I am all about language and languages and want to work either in online advertising/copywriting again or in anything else language related.
And then my "great" new job turned out to be NOT for me after all. I won't go into details here, I just think it's telling that in a previous blog entry titled "Working For The Harvest" I thought I had made the best of things but really felt so bad that it was palpable to the more perceptive people. Catherine actually e-mailed me to ask if I was okay! I was surprised because at the time, I didn't even see that I was in the wrong place and desparately trying to make sense of it. In short, my software company was the right company but the wrong job; and the new job was the right job but the wrong company.
When I left the third job in a year, I stopped and REALLY thought. And I realised that "permanent" jobs aren't very permanent or secure at all in the current climate, with recession as the majority's reality. And so I might as well take freelance, contract, and temporary jobs that are closer to what I really want to do. In order to do that, I had to significantly cut my cost of living. Now I have already cut out all possible expenses, and the one thing left was the rent. Six months ago, my flat was the cheapest I could get. Now, the prices have dropped dramatically, and I was unbelievably lucky to stumble across a lovely young family who are looking to rent out the little "granny flat" attached to their house. The rent includes bills and even wireless internet and so all in all I will save OVER 300 EURO EVERY SINGLE MONTH.
The flat is nowhere near as nice as mine, it's a little further South as well and more like a 15-minute walk to the sea, but it looks like I'll be able to sleep there because instead of three neighbour flats with shift-workers I will only have my landlord and his family who seem to have a more normal sleeping rhythm. Another thing I'm really excited about is that it's only partly furnished so I'll get to put in my own stuff for the first time in years! I'm going to get a bed and a wardrobe from Ikea and I can even afford it.
The "afford it" part comes from working almost around the clock on a project for the past two weeks. The company I'm with - on a freelance basis, but I hope they'll have lots more jobs for me because they're great - "localises" video games. In other words, a game is translated to, for example, German, and then has to be checked to see if it's not only a correct translation but fits into the context as well and makes sense in German, and also doesn't offend any cultural sensitivities etc. I work all hours at the moment but since I'm getting paid by the hour, I don't mind at all! As for what will happen after the current project ends - who knows. I have a few applications going but they're on MY terms now. Criteria are: Do I like/want the work and how far is it from where I live? If it's close to my home, I will consider less exciting jobs. For language jobs I would commute.
You see, the whole bollocks that there's no jobs is just that - bollocks. There's ALWAYS work. I've even registered with a temp agency for office work, and if all else fails, I'll do some audiotyping until the next role comes up. If at all possible, I'd like to stay in the localisation industry, I love it here. Freelancing gives me the chance to take up work for them whenever there's anything available, until perhaps some day there will be a permanent opening. But I'm in no hurry.
The great re-discovery I mentioned at the beginning is this: Life is looking after me and provides for me, as long as I stay true to myself. I am once again learning to trust. And I'm outrageously happy! No, I didn't want to move AGAIN, but the new apartment is just 2.5 miles down the road from the old one and I have over a week to move, so every day I load a few boxes into my car and drive down. Next Saturday, my bookshelves will be moved and I'll bring the budgies, and then it'll be all done. I'm sorry to have to uproot Tia and Mirias again but there's no way around that, I'm afraid! In the meantime, I'm taking pictures of them in the Dun Laoghaire flat, as you can see above.
It's as if my life has slowed down to a relaxed, happy pace with lots of time to smell the flowers. And that although I've been working 65-hour weeks! I'm not stressed in the least. Julia would say I'm in Easy World. Needless to say, I'm loving it.
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Reader Comments (12)
I'm delighted you're leaving somewhere that you weren't happy, even though the flat was really lovely. You sound so much happier! We have to arrange to meet up soon, just finding time is a bit difficult for me! But, we'll find a way!
Catherine: It feels like there's a big weight off my shoulders!! As for meeting up, if you like I can drop by your place some time. I've got loads more time now :-)
Hugs!!
i am bursting with happiness for you missy! ur little granny flat sounds lovely! i will do my best to come see it before i head to cork. x
natasha: You're ALWAYS welcome! I might not have all the furniture I want before another month or two have passed, but I promise there'll be something to sit on ;-) And tea, of course!
Hugs!!
Don't forget to email me your new address.
Catherine: Will do, as soon as I'm there and have access to my own internet program again (with my address book... as opposed to webmail), I'll send e-mails to everyone with the new address :-)
Hugs!!
Yay! I'm so happy for you. This is wonderful news! I'm glad to see 'our' Sibylle back to her old self :)
Oh wow, that's some news!
I am sorry that the recruitment job didn't work out for you, but I am happy that you found out now, and took action to get out of the situation! Sometimes when you find yourself in a bad place, it takes forever to get out, and the result can be brutal on your outlook on life and self esteem.
I am curious about your new place now, you will have to post some pictures!
I am very happy for you honey!!!
Big hugs!
Linda: It's like recognising myself again in the mirror for the first time in ages! :-)
Inga: Thanks, and I will post pictures, but only after I've saved up for another trip to Ikea and those rattan armchairs I fell in love with...!
Hugs!!
Way to go, coming back to ones true self deserves a celebration! Sounds like a new chapter has opened, relax, be at one, and be open to all life has to offer. Love and hugs, Taz
Taz: Thank you! That's exactly how it feels. As for the celebration, that's going to follow when I'm all moved in because one day after that, it'll be the eve of the Equinox! :-)
Hugs!!
What a happy post! Love it.
Yes--I would say you've made a leap in living an Easy World life! Being yourSelf is the biggest part of it, and it sure sounds like you're calibrating the various "yous" to be more fully YOU!
Love,
Julia