Summer...

 

The weather has been unbelievable lately, sunny and warm, and sometimes cloudy/hazy but still warm - up to 25 degrees is nothing short of a miracle in Ireland these days, especially after two years in which it rained daily from June till September! I relish it, enjoy it, seize every second, and occasionally feel completely exhausted when the heat in my flat under the roof becomes a little too much.

It was one of those lucky occasions when my colleage Liza's summer party took place last Saturday in the brightest afternoon sunshine (and went on into the night, of course). This is our pretty hostess on the picture, in the pink dress, and a bit of the hag in the background. Here are two more pictures of me, raising a glass of rosé and hugging Linda, a lovely new friend I made (actually a friend of Liza's who was over from Sweden for the weekend):

        

I had so much fun, the garden was magical and all the more precious because it's right in the middle of Dublin. I only knew a few of the guests who were colleagues but everyone was lovely and I had just the right mixture of really good talks, laughs, great food, and wine. I had decided to go by public transport although that meant having to leave well before midnight, but I wanted to drink some alcohol and also the BBQ started at four so I had plenty of time to enjoy.

I'm trying to behave otherwise and not go out too much. I'll definitely go to the pagan pub moot on Thursday but methinks this will be the last outing before my holiday - I really really need to save some money or I'll be broke in Tampere. If you know anyone who'd like to take an online class on witchcraft, please don't forget to direct them to www.witchcraftlessons.com, I could really use an extra buck or two! Typically, any money I might have left over after paying my rent and bills, seems to disappear into once-a-year bills and other unavoidable expenses this month. I'll have to practice wealth consciousness again and know that I have all I need and more than that, and abundance... Money always tends to flow when I feel rich, it's just like the success and wealth teachers say. But it can be challenging to feel wealthy when the reality looks so different!

The main reason for the ebb tide in my accounts is the fact that I'm still living off my basic income. The job is something I'm thinking about a lot these days. Nothing's changed, I still love my company, but I'm wondering whether I can really contribute the way I would be capable of in this particular job. It basically boils down to, I'll get a grip and get over it, and fake it like many of my very successful colleagues do, or I'll admit that I NEED to feel competent in order to do a good job, and go do something else. I'm reluctant to leave but I'm keeping my eyes open. And in the meantime, I should get my website off the ground again - you will remember to tell people who might be interested, won't you? - and look into starting more sites, around more mainstream paper-and-pen (downloadable) products. I have a lot of experience and had training in that sector, and it can be very profitable if done correctly.

I've cleared so much rubbish out of my life, so much that it even got a little empty for a while. But I now think that I had to go through this in order to make room for new things. I've started living properly again, and now the next step is going to be my financial future. I have big dreams... have had them for a while... but I'd buried myself for so long, neglecting my real friends and spending too much time with not-so-real ones, that they had to take a back seat. No more! Watch out, world, here comes the hag, and she's SICK of being broke!

Well, in autumn I might also get a few teaching hours at the language institute. The people there are surely lovely. Oh! Did I mention my Finnish class at all? I have the most lovely teacher, Tiina, who said my pronunciation is a lot better than that of her other students, who incidentally are all married or going out with someone Finnish, haha! She was delighted to have a student who didn't "have" to learn but is actually in love with the language itself and really keen on the grammar. The hour we had passed far too quickly but at least I learned a bit about the different verb types and can finally put together a few simple sentences. In August, after my holiday, I'll start taking one lesson every two weeks. Tiina said I could probably join an advanced class with a little extra grammar study, but that it might be too slow for me. I was just a little bit proud to hear that!

Otherwise I'm trying to kick myself into using my new dumbbells for the exercise program I've started a couple weeks ago. It's not so easy sticking to it, but I'm determined to do it - it saves so much time and money to do this stuff at home! It feels good, even the stiff muscles do. They are proof that I'm doing something to get back in shape. And nothing beats exercise as a mood enhancer.

So much for me at the moment, I'm enjoying the virgin moon and, as you could see from this entry, the daring new-beginnings mood that goes with it. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything rash about the job, I'll wait until at least the full moon before I make any decision, and maybe I won't make up my mind for a couple months. I have learned that it's okay to not know what to do. There's usually a reason why clarity comes when it does... and I am prepared to be patient for once, and wait.

Dancing With The Good People

 

Happy Summer Solstice! I'm glad I made the time to blog on Solstice eve. I might already be a little tipsy from the ritual wine, and giddy from the excitement of midsummer (I'm positive the Good People have their hands in this somehow - my senses tingling and swimming did NOT just happen by itself tonight!), but the ritual is still very present in my mind and so I'll share it right now.

What I'm going to do is indent the entire ritual description, so if you're not interested in that part, you'll have no problem to skip it easily and continue with the rest of the blog entry underneath. Before I start on the ritual though, I'd like to share my personal Summer Solstice invocations to the divine male and female powers, of "Goddess and God" in Wiccan terms.

Sensual, pregnant Lady of Summer,
Your footsteps echo through the forest.
The rich green, the heavy scent
of leaves and ripening corn and fruit,
they are your overflowing breath,
your blood, the water of your womb,
in which you carry the new sun child.

Lord of the Wood, Horned One,
You at the zenith of your strength,
your power, and your potency.
I heed your call, I come running,
carried on your breath, landing softly
on firm ground, the living pulsing earth,
and into your waiting arms.

From my last entry you know that I've been looking forward to the solstice a lot, that the soft-footed, mild-aired, playful energy of midsummer has been building up within and around me for some time. The other day, the Good People* sent a greeting, a threefold one at that, in the shape of three gorgeous, perfect, full rainbows that appeared over Dublin bay in the course of two hours. I took several pictures from my window; the above is my favourite.

But now for my ritual!

Preparation

For some reason, I've been having trouble actually getting down to it with my last four summer solstice rituals. It's my favourite time of the year and I love Litha, but after the two Village Gatherings for the solstice in 2004 and 2005, I feel strangely alone, much as I usually love and insist on my solitary practice. This year was no different, so I kept the preparations to a minimum: I set up candles and tools in the quarters, put pen and paper on the altar, and poured a glass of wine. I didn't even have food for the feast; there was nothing suitable in the house, and I wasn't hungry anyway so I skipped that part. I'll give my libation tomorrow during a walk.

The ritual

I called the quarters and lit the candles, finishing with the altar candle, and saying: "The fires are lit. The ritual is begun". Then I did a thorough grounding, which was necessary as I was gidddy and as usual with me, floating somewhere in the air, Aquarius that I am. Once I felt firmly connected all the way to the magma core of the earth, I began my invocations.

I called the divine female powers first and then danced in their honour to "Return to the Goddess" by Desert Wind. Then I called the divine male powers and for once didn't dance to "Rhythm of the Heat" but "Song to Pan" by Inkubus Sukkubus, which is usually my Bealtaine song. It worked well though, after all this is the time when the Horned One is at the height of his power, and "cloven hooves beat upon the earth", and "feel the earth, it trembles underneath shaggy thighs" is very appropriate at this time.

I then sat down on the floor, spoke a few words about the solstice and its meaning, and did a meditation. When I "resurfaced", I took the paper and pen and wrote down all the obstacles to my goals, the seeds I have planted at the equinox. And there have been obstacles in the past month or two, in many respects - health, work, friendships... I am not going to go into detail here but I wrote it all down in key words. Then I went to the sink and set fire to the paper. I shouldn't have crumpled it into a ball first because it wouldn't burn properly! So in a way, my obstacles put up a bit of a fight. There was quite a bit of smoke and I later opened the window so I wouldn't poison my poor budgies. It still smells of smoke now but heck, it'll pass, and for now it's a good reminder. My relief was all the more palpable when the piece of paper finally did burn to ash and fell apart.

And yet, it took a while for the relief to fully "sink in" to the deepest parts of my emotions. This happens sometimes, it's like a residual feeling that lingers for a bit. There's nothing wrong with that, these things tend to take their own time.

I did a release dance to "Peace Train" and felt very happy. The energy felt purified, warm, and relaxed as I knelt in front of the altar and gave thanks for all the things that have already come to fruition in the past few months, and for the wonderful people in my life. This is always my favourite part, sending love, hugs, kisses, and sometimes special messages ("see you!" - "here's a hug" - "you take care of yourself" etc.) to everyone in turn. It's fun to think how every one of those people suddenly has me popping into their head or emotions, or maybe they just feel a wave of warmth and love, or maybe even just a small tingle. I don't know but I know these things usually find their way to the recipient.

It was time for blessings and more thanks, so I asked the powers to bless the wine and thanked them for the nourishment I receive. I poured a bit of wine out the window into the garden (hope there was nobody sitting there smoking a pipe, teehee) and then took the first sip.

Getting up, I thanked and said farewell to the divine female and male powers, and then walked to each of the quarters in turn to say farewell and blow out the candles. Finally I blew out the altar candle saying: "The ritual is done. I complete".

So that was it! And now I'm here with wine and blog and later on a good book, to celebrate what's left of the evening. Tomorrow I'm going to take a walk by the sea and give more libations. The Good People are definitely dancing for me tonight. I'm sorry I can't be outside more because of my hayfever, but whoever thinks the Good People don't go indoors is much mistaken.

And while I'm on the subject of midsummer, I might as well explain the phenomenon of the solstice. Some people get confused about what solstice actually means; "the longest day of the year" (respectively the shortest, in winter) is the usual explanation. But actually the solstice is one point in time - what happens exactly I don't know but I think it's when the sun crosses the equator or something - and that event happens some time between the 20th and the 24th of June/December. I tend to take that day as solstice day and celebrate my ritual on the evening before that. If you check out this year's sunrise and sunset times here in Dublin, you'll see that tomorrow - the day the solstice happens this year - really is the longest day of the year, if only by two seconds. I've taken a screenshot, hope it's legible:

So what else is new in the hag's life? Well, I'm still working hard and meet people and try to get out and about, and stay in touch with those people who are too far away to hug right now. I talked to Inga on the phone yesterday and I spend a lot of time in chat with Miikka these days, mostly planning my few days in Tampere! Ooooh and here's the biggest news of all: I'm going to have a Finnish lesson on Monday! -Holy cow, I've just realised that I should revise all my vocabulary by then, and what with solstice celebrations as well as scrubbing my flat for the sabbat, I haven't done a thing yet. I guess that is how I'll spend tomorrow, in between the walks and the deserved weekend rest.

Another bit of news is that I finally bit the bullet and created my photo albums here in The Hag's Den. They are the only bit of the old website that I hadn't transferred yet and so to do the task justice, I've re-arranged everything and dropped a few out-of-date albums as well. The ones up now only show a hand-picked selection of pictures around themes like places I've lived, travels, pets, and special occasions like Linda and Jonny's handfasting in July 2007. Take a look! You can access the photo gallery through A Hag's World or directly through this link.

Happy Solstice, everyone!

*In Ireland, you shouldn't call them "Fairies" or "Little People" because that offends them, so you've got to say "the Good People" instead!

Let There Be Light

Alright, so a bible quote might be a rather unusual title for a pagan blog entry, but I have unceremoniously hijacked the phrase and made it my battlecry these days. The solstice fever has got me! I seem to forget from one year to the next, and then I get reminded forcefully, how much I love the soft light and mild air of the long evenings, and how much more awake and alive I feel during this season. Remind me to never travel South in summertime; South is where you go in September to catch the last of the warmth before autumn. But around midsummer, I must travel as far North as I dare, to recharge my light-batteries!

Fortunately, I had the chance to spend midsummer in Norway in 2004, and a few days in July in 2007. And so this year it'll be Finland! I'm already addicted to these webcams in Tampere, I usually have that page open in some browser window and I keep refreshing it. These days, it gets dark there around the same time as it does here, altough it's two hours later there. Oooooh I can't wait to go! I think I'll give up sleeping altogether for those five days, I'll be far too busy enjoying.

I'm afraid I'm going on too much about this, I seem to be scaring readers away! But then this is the place where I share what my life is about at the moment, and this is what I think about these days. Apart from that, I'm still pursuing joy and fun; I met Catherine this week and we had such a wonderful time wandering all around Dun Laoghaire and then ending up in a pub for a bite to eat and some wine. It was great to see her, and I felt like a tourist in my own town, once again realising just how lovely it is around here! There are still times when I can't quite believe I'm actually living here.

In order to keep it that way, I work hard these days. The end of the quarter is coming up and I haven't made much of a contribution yet. I still love my job, but sometimes I wish I wasn't in a sales function. I've known for some time that sales is not where I want to spend the rest of my life, although I have experience in sales and am good at it. In my current situation, I have doubts about how good I am because I'm basically selling stuff I don't know the first thing about, and I need to feel confident in order to do well. I hope I'll manage to make my numbers anyway, because the company is great and I am sort of hoping for a chance to move into a different position internally after some time. In the meantime I'll carry on working hard, and in order to keep myself balanced, I'll also keep meeting friends and going out occasionally.

Apart from that, I'm beginning to branch out in a different direction, or rather, going back to where I came from... -Let me explain. It all started when I realised that it'll take more than a grammar book for me to learn Finnish properly. I am going to need a teacher sooner or later. There seems to be exactly one language school in Dublin that offers Finnish classes, and I got in touch with them yesterday. Private classes are expensive, but maybe I can start with one or two per month, whilst still self-studying with my program here. I don't think group tuition makes sense for me, a group will only slow me down as I'm a fast learner. As well, I'm not an absolute beginner having built up some basic vocabulary already, but I'm nowhere near being "advanced" either so I wouldn't really fit in.

And while I was chatting to the director of the language school, I asked if they are by any chance looking for teachers of German as a foreign language. Turns out they aren't right now but she wanted to see my CV anyway, for future reference. The school isn't far from my workplace, and one or two nights a week teaching would be just the thing for me to get energised - teaching has always fuelled me up no end - and earn a few extra quid at the same time!

While I was writing the above paragraphs, the sky has turned a deep shade of dark blue outside and the beam from the lighthouse has become visible. The view is unbelievably clear today, I could even see the lighthouse itself earlier, which is usually not possible from the shore. Tomorrow the weather will likely change - it was actually supposed to start raining this afternoon and I'm grateful that it hasn't yet - but I'll still drop down to the farmer's market and pick up a few veg and maybe a fruit wine if they have it, for my ritual next weekend. Heck, they might even have strawberries. Aaaaaah, summer...

Getting My Life Back

It's cool and grey outside, and floods of rain have been forecasted for the weekend. I don't mind though - we're the "Emerald Isle" and it takes lots of water to maintain that colour! What's more, today is the first day in a week that the weather is anything other than glorious. We've had our fill of sunshine and warmth over the last, long weekend.

The lovely weather gave me a bit of a contrast to some personal problems I experienced in my online gaming community. There are a few people in that environment I'd rather not lose as friends and I hope that I won't, but for now I have decided to take the hurt I feel as an incentive to go offline for a while and look around me in the real world. I have been broke for so long, that online was pretty much my only chance to socialise. But now I'm slowly beginning to recover financially and I can afford the odd cup of tea in a cafe and the occasional night-out. The first few months of getting used to my new job are over, and I'm no longer exhausted when I get home in the evening. It was time for a change.

And so I've put out my feelers. First I treated myself to long walks by the sea. The above picture was taken during one of those walks - it made me appreciate why they call the area I live in "Dublin's Riviera"! I did a lot of grounding during these walks but in an unobtrusive way because there was no privacy to be had. It was a long weekend and 20+ degrees so everyone and their brother was spending time outdoors. But that's what I wanted, I felt like Peter Gabriel in "I have the touch": "I need contact!"

I ate ice cream and then took a bath in a sea of happy people in the park, where they had some event going on. I chatted to people at the food stalls and enjoyed being part of the crowd. During the time I spent at home, I started re-reading my Harry Potter books, studied Finnish, and gave lots of attention to my budgies who usually never see me all day. I also went to see the "Wolverine" movie, which I enjoyed mainly because Hugh Jackman is so damn droolable. I felt like a silly teenager sitting there munching popcorn and giggling, it was great!

By the time I went back to work on Tuesday, I was rested and still a little sad but more balanced. And I continued reaching out. Results so far: I'm going to see Catherine on Monday, a couple of colleagues and myself are going to go to a Salsa night at my local club together just for the laugh, I responded to a social ad looking for people to start an informal "Music Appreciation Society", and I attended my first Pagan Pub Moot in Dublin. The guy who is looking to start the music appreciation thing is really nice, he hasn't had too many responses as of now but we're looking to meet up with the few people we've got some time soon, and in the meantime we're exchanging e-mails discussing everything from Yes and King Crimson to Dream Theater and Within Temptation.

The pub moot was yesterday. I got a lift into town with Barbara, a lovely friend of Catherine's who lives just around the corner from me (and my main objective was to meet some local people - co-incidence? I think not!). As soon as we arrived in the pub, a crowd of the most loveable people began to arrive. I sort of moved around the table to chat with different people and felt just wonderful - everyone was friendly and welcoming and all of them very interesting people. If nothing else, it would have been a nice change from work, being in a group of people where men with short hair are the exception rather than the rule!

I dragged myself away before eleven because I had work today, and I knew it would take some time to "wind down" before I could sleep. I'm tired today but it's not from noisy neighbours this time and so I don't mind. It was so worth it!

Barbara also told me of other "pagan activity" going on in the area, and of stone circles in Wicklow, not far from where I live, that I'll have to check out. Some time around the solstice there'll be a celebration at the Temple of Isis, a place Catherine had told me about ages ago and that I've always wanted to see. Barbara offered to take me with her, and if I can make it at all, I will definitely go. I need to connect my energy and my spirituality with the area I live in now. The sea is wonderful but there's so much more amazing nature at my doorstep.

Next I need to get a hold of Shane. We keep meaning to phone each other and then don't manage or miss each other's calls. I miss him and Róisín and Caitlin and the kids sooo much! I've also missed two birthdays, shame on me, horrible hag that I am. I really hope I'll get to see them all some time.

So these are my first baby steps... taken, appropriately, during the time of the waxing moon. I feel like life is overflowing with abundance for me, and once again I'm really looking forward to my full-moon ritual!

"I'd Like To Live In A Tree Hut..."



 A friend's status update on Facebook today reminded me of one of my favourite Cat Stevens songs, "I want to live in a wigwam" - the title of this entry is a quote from the song, it goes "I'd like to live in a tree hut, and listen to the sound of the birds". Well I've got the sound of the birds right at least, there's quite a lot of "sound" coming from Tia and Mirias, as the above video shows. Perhaps my favourite part of the song is the end, "Glad I'm alive am I, I'm glad I'm alive am I...". It's such a positive, energetic tribute to life!

Gods, I adore Cat Stevens, or Yusuf as he's called these days. In fact, I've adored him since I was about 12 and got a best-of LP for Christmas, which incidentally was my first own music LP. When I was a young hag, I used to cover "Moonshadow" in my live gigs. He also wrote one of my favourite love songs of all time, "How can I tell you".

Actually, I've got to say a little more about this last one. Nobody has ever described it more accurately, that feeling of infinite tenderness mixed with helplessness when you discover you're in love and don't know where to even start... -And is there anyone who can't relate to the lines, "Whoever I am with, I'm always always talking to you, I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that you can't hear"? If you don't know this song, go and download it (legally!) right now. Or listen to it here if you prefer. This is an order!

So that was my contribution to a trip down memory lane for today! I am justified in doing this, after all I have a hard work week behind me and am looking forward to the long weekend. There's a glass of wine sitting on the table next to me and I'm riding on the Peace Train (sorry, couldn't resist dropping another songtitle)! Oh, and as I write this, there's bright sunshine and a deep blue sea outside, with a huge brilliantly white ferry passing by just now. Wait, I've just learned the word for ferry in Finnish, laiva! To those of you who are learning a new language, here's a tip from one who used to teach a foreign language: don't just practise it while you're studying. Think of the words and expressions you've learned in everyday life too, that's how you really commit them to memory. I walk around all day naming everything around me in Finnish. Or, I hear a number and then I'll mutter it in Finnish under my breath (a lot of people at work must think I'm very weird but a. they're right, and b. who cares??).

My problem with making a blog entry today is that I feel rather boring right now. I still don't get out much and I spend most of my time in active pursuit of happiness, which includes getting away from anything that doesn't make me happy. There are occasionally dampeners to my bliss, but all in all I manage to focus on the good stuff more than on the bad, and that as you know will always draw more of the same into one's life.

There are challenges, like the fact that my hayfever is here in full flow, and my visit to the doctor's was completely useless. I don't have the money to go back so am now considering to go to a German doctor when I'm there in July. And anyway, where's that "cure for all allergies" they announced would have arrived by this year? Come on, medical community, give me back my late springs/early summers! I've missed them for too many years. Well, actually I'm not missing them, especially now that I live close to the sea once again. The weather has been sensational for the past few days and is supposed to stay this way for the entire weekend; I will definitely take advantage of that and spend some time by the beach, breathing in pollen-free sea air.

I already got some "practice" yesterday. After work, I absolutely didn't want to go back inside just yet, and so I drove past my street and on to Dalkey. I took a walk by the pier where people were hiring boats and eating ice cream. After spending ten minutes sitting on a rock with the almost obscenely blue waves breaking just a few feet below me, I was completely relaxed and felt like I was on holiday! I talked to the seagulls and told them about my little budgies who have learned their calls and can imitate them quite convincingly (that's true, by the way. They learned that when we were still living in Whitegate and seagulls were always perching on the roof of our house). It felt like I was filling myself up with sunshine and that feeling stayed with me.

The plan for the weekend is thus: relax, chat to friends, drink wine in the evenings, and spend as much daytime on the beach as possible. The fire-red hagmobile and I might even go exploring and look for other beautiful beaches in Co. Dublin and Co. Wicklow, who knows. I will strictly avoid doing any housework, and to that end I have taken advantage of a Tesco offer, house deliveries for 1 cent! I'm awaiting a delivery of healthy but pre-cooked things and the odd frozen pizza and icecream. All in all, it should be enough to get me through the next three days without having to spend too much time cooking.

Just to make sure I won't get too lazy, I've got a waxing-moon ritual coming up as well. Will tell you about that in my next entry. For now, I'll raise my glass of wine to all of you who read this, to Yusuf and his great music, and to great music in general. Sláinte! - I mean, kippis!